11.27.2007

More Tracieness

This is for those people who can’t get enough of the wonderful wackiness that is Tracie, and those that are bored and need something to do and wish Tracie would blog more dang it! I read Amanda’s list, and thought “hey, why not?” Some people might already know these, but tough biscuits. Read it anyway and enjoy. WARNING: This is very long, but enjoy anyway.

75 Random Bits of Tracie:

1. My favorite color is green and has been for several years now. As recently as a couple of years ago, my mom thought it was red for some reason. (I was 8 the last time red was my favorite color.) Other favorite colors I have had include red and hot pink. (This, again, was when I was younger. When I was about 12 I LOATHED the color pink. Around 18 or so I fell back in love with pink.)

2. Nicknames I have had over the years (some are extinct): Trace (I actually hated Trace until I was about 16 and then I started liking it for some reason), TLee, TJ, Teej, Monkey, Pumpkin, Princess, Pwincess, TMAC, Doodle Queen, Tray (don’t you care call me this!), Hot Queen Babe, Goth, and Tracie the Destroyer. There may be more.

3. I HATED jeans when I was younger and wore stretch pants until sixth grade. No wonder I didn’t have any friends. I mean, I had hot pink stretch pants!

4. I played with Barbies until I was 16.

5. I have IBS (irritable bowel syndrome).

6. I fart more than my husband does. (Embarrassing but true, and mostly attributable to #5.)

7. I never tried out for anything during junior high and high school.

8. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was two weeks from turning 18. My first thought was “It’s wet” followed by “oh, I should probably try kissing back”.

9. I hate carrots and told my friends in grade school that I was allergic to them so they would quit offering them to me.

10. I can’t really hear out of my left ear. Thus why I make people sit or stand on my right side so I don’t constantly have to keep my head turned.

11. I got glasses in the 3rd grade. My first pair were huge blue round things that swallowed my face.

12. I can trace the beginning of my depression of the ages 10–17 to when we moved. It changed and impacted my whole life. I probably would have been different had we never moved. Fortunately, I am now over it.

13. I was a goody-goody until junior year of high school which is when I started talking more in class to be “rebellious” and viewed as “cool.”

14. I have always had a very active imagination. I wrote and performed plays when I was younger with my friends, made up imaginary games, and could pretend just about anything.

15. I have really bad stage fright. Even when I feel comfortable and prepared I can’t stop my legs from trembling and my hands shaking.

16. My stage fright has prevented me from doing things with my love of singing and acting.

17. I love to sing and have finally become convinced I have a good voice. I practice often to improve.

18. I love to read and have ever since the day I learned how. I have read a wide variety of materials. I was reading huge novels by the age of 8. In second grade my favorite book was The New Book of Knowledge: Volume A. My favorite genre is probably science fiction and fantasy although I really enjoy medical thrillers and literary stuff as well. I love to read the newspaper and not just for the comics. I read all the headlines to stay posted on what’s going on and then read the articles that most interest me.

19. I have never been in a car accident (Knock on wood).

20. I am mildly superstitious though have become less so over the years.

21. I love nature although I am not an “outdoorsy” type. I don’t really like hiking for the physicalness of it. I prefer to slowly explore and meander and discover brooks and streams and cool rocks and wildlife and beautiful plants and flowers. I am moved by sunsets and the beauty of nature. I love to just bask in its grandeur. However, I am a girl of convenience and enjoy bathrooms, hot showers, and being clean. So I prefer to look at nature more than get dirty in it. (Though I do like to climb and explore and sometimes getting dirty is inevitable.)

22. Other subjects I considered majoring in besides English: Psychology and interior design. I am also very interested in art, photography, music, the culinary arts, ASL, and geology.

23. I love to learn. I hate homework and going to classes, but I love to learn.

24. I taught myself to read music, play piano, and guitar. (Though Heidi helped with piano and she and my dad both helped with guitar.) I’m not very good, but I love it.

25. I have never found a true four-leaf clover. To this day, I still stop every once in a while to look for one.

26. I still like to color and doodle.

27. Austin says I am really good with color, that is, that I have a good grasp of how and what colors should go together and use them well.

28. I love music and wish I listened to it more. I’ve never been one to have a radio playing all the time. In fact, I live in silence a lot. And I’m okay with that because loud noises really bother me.

29. Music can strike me so profoundly that I am brought to tears.

30. Reading newspaper stories and watching TV also often brings me to tears. I am a crybaby. Thanks, Mom.

31. I am a lousy sleeper. I am a really light sleeper and the slightest thing can wake me up. It takes me a half hour on most nights to get sleep, sometimes more. I wake often in the night and am tired on a fairly consistent basis. My body prefers about 8 ½ hours of sleep, but I get about 6–7 on most days.

32. I love to sleep and to dream. I almost always remember my dreams and, as Austin can tell you, I usually have really strange dreams. They are usually highly creative, imaginative, and complicated. I used to write “novels” about my dreams when I was a teenager.

33. I really want to be a published author someday. Austin and I are working on a fantasy trilogy that is going to be simply awesome.

34. I really love to edit and wish I could edit fiction because I think I have a real gift for it. I’m really excited to work as Austin’s editor.

35. I really want to travel to Australia someday. I don’t know why, but I’ve always wanted to go there. HayLee and I made a pact when we were younger that we’d go someday.

36. HayLee and I are 1 year 11 months 9 days and 12 hours apart.

37. I have weak ankles (thanks again, mom) and have sprained my ankle numerous times (at least twice severely.)

38. I have broken exactly one bone. I broke my finger playing basketball in high school but didn’t realize I had broken it until years later. I thought I had just “jammed” it. So now my middle finger on my right hand is crooked and will remain so since I don’t want to break it to fix it.

39. I told everyone in third grade that my middle name was Ariel and refused to budge when my best friend didn’t believe me. We actually were in a fight for a long time about it.

40. The Little Mermaid is one of my favorite movies ever. I know every line. When I was younger I had the movie, the cassette tape, a poster, shoes, shirt, and underwear. I was obsessed. I now have a little Ariel doll and an Ariel charm and, of course, the special edition DVD.

41. I try not to kill bugs, unless they climb on me or come inside my house. Then, they die. I actually feel remorse if I kill a potato bug, so I always watch where I’m stepping to prevent bug-deaths.

42. I love to cook. One day I hope to take some culinary classes.

43. I also plan on going to massage therapy school someday, just for fun.

44. I used to LOVE rootbeer. My favorite kinds include Mugs, Howie’s, 5 Buck Primo, Fanta, and A&W. The reason I say “used” is because I don’t drink pop anymore. I have some every now and then, but in general, I avoid all carbonated beverages. They make me sick.

45. I used to be allergic to strawberries when I was younger, which was sad because I LOVED them. My mom would hide them in the backroom and I would sneak and eat them. She’d always find out though cuz I would break out in hives.

46. I am allergic to grass and dust, but only mildly so. I used to get hay fever when I was younger, but my allergies have gotten less and less severe over the years.

47. I almost always sneeze in threes. And usually I don’t sneeze the same way during the same sneeze “session”.

48. I love Superman. I like Smallville (though it is greatly deteriorated in the last few years). I cried the day Christopher Reeve died. I was depressed. I love Lois & Clark. When I was a teenager I was OBSESSED with the show. I love the Superman movies (though I wasn’t too fond of Superman Returns for various reasons.) I love the book The Life & Death of Superman based on the 1996 comic series. I plan to get the book based on Lois & Clark. I also plan to catch up on Superman comics someday. Though it may not be possible to read them, I’d like to find out the various changes Superman has been through and the basic storyline plots.

49. I am a slight hypochondriac. I always think I am sick or have cancer or some other disease.

50. I “developed” early and HATED the fact that I had to wear a bra. I even told my mother one day, “Where in the constitution does it say I have to wear a bra?”

51. I love rollercoasters, but I hate rides that go around and around and around. They make me sick.

52. I have had the following conditions: food poisoning, bronchitis, strep throat, chicken pox, and various flus and colds.

53. My favorite shows growing up (at various ages): Tiny Toons, Rugrats, Doug, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Clarissa Explains It All, Lois & Clark, Hey Arnold, Fraggle Rock, Smurfs, My Little Pony, Chip & Dale, DuckTales, Punky Brewster, Full House, Sliders, SeaQuest, Seinfeld, Friends, Simpsons, and others I’m sure.

54. My favorite shows now: Scrubs, Friends, Simpsons, CSI (the original one), Lois & Clark, King of Queens, Smallville (this is starting to decrease), What Not to Wear, Good Eats, and Iron Chef.

55. I designed my own wedding ring, and though it didn’t turn out quite the way I wanted it to, I still get many compliments on it.

56. I like to talk during movies, which is okay cuz so does Austin. We make funny comments and observations and critique the movie as we’re watching it.

57. I have what Austin calls periodic “food obsessions” or “flavors of the month.” Currently they are Fro-Yo, bagels (particularly Einstein’s), and water. Though I’m starting to fall off the fro-yo band wagon.

58. I often get really excited about something and it becomes my new obsession for a while. In the last few years I have been obsessed with The Sims, The Sims 2, World of Warcraft, Diablo II, blogging, facebook, livejournal, googlechat, Barenaked Ladies, Neopets (embarrassingly) , addictinggames.com, and more I’m sure.

59. I’m a true believer in the expression “It’s better to regret something you did, than something you didn’t.”

60. I also believe in “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”

61. My hair changes color depending on the lighting; it can look anything from a reddish-gold color to a medium brown.

62. I can’t go anywhere without lip gloss or chapstick and gum. In fact I’m seriously stressed if I forget either.

63. I’ve been told I look beautiful when I cry.

64. I’m not the most photogenic person in the world.

65. I have a woman crush on Elizabeth Hurley. I find her very attractive for some reason.

66. Since meeting Austin I’m not as picky about food and am more daring to try new things. I used to be a “hamburger and fries only” type of girl. I’d order the same thing everywhere I went. I have now tried sushi, shrimp, lobster, Greek cuisine, and other fun stuff.

67. I’m putting this in only because Austin wanted me to. Okay, according to Austin I am the world’s best kisser, I’m sexier than I think, and I have the world’s smoothest, softest skin.

68. I love to laugh and am so glad I married someone who makes me laugh every day.

69. I have kissed 7 guys (Austin is the 7th) and have had 4 boyfriends.

70. I have never dumped anyone, I’ve only been dumped.

71. I’ve had 2 different stalkers: Tim & Psycho John

72. I can successfully juggle two balls.

73. I don’t shave my thighs and never have.

74. My hair has caught on fire exactly once.

And last but not least,

75. I still have a little stuffed dog named Rover that I’ve had since I was about 5. I knot up his ears and he looks like an 80s new reporter.

Post -Thanksgiving

After reading Heather's post, I am also moping. I'm really glad I got an opportunity to say goodbye to Heather and to Leah, but am sad that I didn't get to say goodbye to Ryan or the boys. I'm also sad that I didn't have more time to spend with the Powell family. It really was too short. But there will be other times. Austin and I would like to visit again. (I'm sure that will make Leah happy.)

I'm really glad that Austin and I decided to go to Arizona. It was worth the long trip. I only wish we could've spent more time together. Things are always crazy around holidays.

I loved your home Heather. It gave me a lot of ideas on how I want to decorate. It helped me figure out a little more what my own personal style is. I love the decoration we made. It looks supercute on my entertainment center.

I am SO excited for Christmas this year! Austin and I bought our very first tree. We couldn't afford one last year. (All the cheap ones disappeared.)

Anyway, here's a short breakdown on Austin and me's trip to Arizona. Tuesday night we slept over HayLee and Justin's house on our brand new air mattress we had just bought. We woke up and were on the road by four a.m. I attempted to sleep, gave up around 7:30, and watched the sunrise with Justin. It was really beautiful. Then I sat in the car for another 9 hours begging HayLee to let me have a potty break. We got to Heather and Ryan's house around 4:30 and just chilled and ate food. The next day was Thanksgiving and so food was cooked and I made my homemade cranberry sauce again, which everyone loved. Ryan had invited over a nonmember older man who was alone. He was a nice man, and I think he enjoyed being part of the festivities. We ate lots of pie. I felt myself getting fatter.

I don't remember what we did Friday. We ate dad's soup, did karaoke, and some of the family went and saw Beowulf, which everyone hated. Austin and I stayed home and got in the hot tub. Saturday we went to a swap meet which was kinda fun and I bought some knockoff Sharpie pens "Shoupies." Hey, they were $2 for 24 pens! Plus, I like my Shoupies. Then we went and saw Enchanted, which Austin and I loved. It was cute, funny, and entertaining. I was smiling through the whole movie. I want to get the soundtrack (and the movie too eventually). Then we went to some greasy place that I don't remember the name of. Luke's I think. Yeah, my arteries exploded there. Then we went home and made our craft and did some more karaoke. A good time was had by all. Sunday we drove home all day. I was so tired. I didn't get much sleep the whole trip. It'll take me all week to catch up.

So, yeah, it was a fun trip, and I hope Austin and I can visit again. Leah was permanently attached to either Austin or Mocha the whole time.

Stay tuned later this week for Part Four of the Tracie & Austin Story!

11.20.2007

The Tracie & Austin Story -- Part Three

The saga continues:

“Just Friends”

As December was beginning I found myself getting excited to go to work. I told myself it was silly since I didn’t like Austin “that way.” I convinced myself I liked the attention and that’s why I was getting butterflies. We were spending so much time together it’s as if we were dating, but we were “just friends.” This was fine with me since I was going on a mission. I had decided after the breakup with Devon that’s what I was going to do. The following April I would turn 21 and I would go. In fact that semester I even took a Mission Prep course at BYU, which was a fabulous class by the way.

But the sexual tension was mounting. One night Austin and I rented The Tempest, another Shakespeare “classic.” It was the silliest movie I had ever seen. It was set in the South during the Civil War and it was just plain bizarre. (“Careful Prosper!” “You make me fly like an eagle!”) Austin and I had started cuddling at this point in our relationship, but hadn’t kissed. See, this was because it was okay for friends to cuddle, but kissing was going too far. In fact we often remarked that we were friends that cuddled. Sometimes we would even hold hands. I think Austin kissed me on the check a few times as well. Anyway, after the movie (which we hilariously made fun of the whole time) there was this awkwardness. And Austin decided to leave rather than to kiss me. We didn’t want to ruin our “friendship,” especially since I was going on a mission anyway.

Austin was very supportive of me going on a mission. He encouraged me and even bought me mission preparation books for Christmas. (which he gave to me early since he went home early for Christmas and was gone for three weeks…more on this later.)

We even went on “non-dates.” Austin took me to Wingers to eat, deliberately making sure to NOT open doors for me because, as we all know, that makes it a date. Ironically, he paid for me (and left Heidi a $15 tip! Someone was trying to make a good impression on my best friend).

Friends with Benefits

Then one night, it happened. We had watched a movie (we don’t remember what) and stayed up talking. We slowly got closer and closer together. And then around three in the morning (!), Austin started to seduce me by kissing my face near my mouth, but never my lips. There were some parts of me that didn’t want to kiss him, and I had never once before “given in” to a guy that wanted to kiss me that I didn’t. But the temptation was great, and I did give in, and Austin and I kissed. And it was good. (Though a part of me was upset that I had given in.)

And then things got weird. We had now kissed, but we didn’t know what that meant. I was confused about what I wanted to do. I didn’t know whether or not I wanted to “get together” with Austin or not. I still was dealing with my feelings for Devon and unsure how I felt about Austin. And so, we became friends who kissed occasionally. We still hung out all the time and flirted and talked and cried together.

Competition

Then Austin went to Texas for Christmas break. He was going to be gone for three weeks. Austin was not the only guy I was hanging out with. There were some other guys that lived together in an apartment in Heidi’s ward in Provo, and we (Heidi and the boys) hung out. There was one boy who showed an inkling of interest in me. So one night I cuddled with him. Austin and I were not a couple, but I did feel guilty. I don’t think I told Austin at the time, but I did also go on one lunch date with this guy. At a later date the boy attempted to kiss me, but I felt it was wrong to kiss two guys at the same time, even if Austin and I were not “officially” together. The boy had been teasing me about my “boyfriend” because I talked about Austin as if HE were my boyfriend, kinda. Not to mention Austin called me A LOT. He kept calling and leaving me a lot of messages the night I almost kissed the other guy. (This is because I did it to Austin one time to be funny. I called him like 13 times and left funny messages.)

Though Heidi told me I didn’t have to tell Austin, I did. I told Austin what happened. And he was really, really upset. But he got over it.

Overwhelmed

Austin and I talked A LOT while he was gone. I ended up having to pay a $200 phone bill the next month because we talked so much. We got to know each other even better, but the one thing I did not expect was for Austin to tell me he loved me. I was shocked, surprised (well, not extremely so. I am amazing.) and totally overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do with this information. I knew I had some feelings for Austin, but I did not love him. I cared for him as a friend and perhaps more, but that was it. We weren’t even officially dating yet! How could I already love him? It only added to my confusion that I was still in love with my ex.

To get more closure with my relationship with Devon I went to see him one night a week or so before Christmas. Austin was still gone. I actually called Austin for support because I was scared and an emotional wreck. Looking back, it was an unfair thing to ask Austin to do. He didn’t want me to do it, but he didn’t want to be controlling either.

So I talked to Devon. And I realized that yes, I still had feelings for him, but no, there was no chance of us getting back together. I wasn’t there to beg him to get back together or anything like that, but I guess I had to find out if the door was closed permanently. I also needed to know whether or not I could be friends with him. That was one of the hardest parts (at the time) of losing Devon, I was losing a very good friend.

It was a hard thing to do, but I’m glad I did. I know it was painful for Austin, but I HAD to know. Devon did not regret his decision, and neither do I. So I told Devon that I wanted to be friends when he was ready, told him I was going on a mission, and said goodbye.

Homecoming

The night Austin came home was an exciting, nervous, and scary night for me. We had decided that we would decide what we were going to do about “us” when he got back as it wasn’t fair to make a decision like that with him gone. I still worked nights, so I waited anxiously with butterflies churning in my stomach. I knew Austin was coming in to work to see him when he got back. I was so distracted and nervous I didn’t see him come in, and he scared the crap out of me. I didn’t know who he was for a moment. He looked completely different. He wasn’t wearing glasses, he was wearing a bright red shirt announcing that “the party has arrived”, and he had cut his hair very short. We hugged and I slowly recovered from my heart attack.

Waiting for work to get over was a nightmare. I was so nervous. But I knew when I saw Austin that I didn’t want things to end between us. I had really MISSED him. So when I got home from work we sat in the car, and we talked for a long time before I finally told him that I wanted to “give it a try.”

I remember the moon was shining and Austin remarked that I looked beautiful in the moonlight. And then we kissed for the first time as an "official" couple.

But, I reminded Austin, things couldn’t get serious because I was going on a mission in a few months.

11.13.2007

Tagged, again

Don't worry! The rest of the Tracie & Austin Story is still forthcoming. Stay tuned!



Just got tagged by Ammon and I must comply. The game is easy. There are only three rules:
  • The rules are posted at the beginning.
  • Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves.
  • At the end of the post, the player then tags 6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog for the rules/details
Well, I've done this before, but Ammon tagged me. So let's see if I can think of 6 things that I didn't include last time.

1. I'm an excellent speller. I participated in spelling bees from fifth to eighth grade. I took sixth in 5th grade (and I didn't even study!), second in 6th grade (I should've and would've won if it weren't for my nervousness and stage fright), third in 7th, and like fifth in 8th. The sad thing is I never earned a trophy. :( I really should've studied more than the night before. ;)
2. I have never won a trophy for anything. However, when we were dating Austin bought me a trophy that states that I am the "World's Best Girlfriend." Austin has thought about scratching off "girlfriend" and replacing it with "wife."

3. Before I began dating I thought chest hair was gross. Now I like it, especially Austin's. I find it manly. (As long as it isn't Robin Williams-apelike chest hair.)

4. I have spent most of my life believing in aliens and worrying that I'd get abducted. (Thanks a lot Unsolved Mysteries!) I have since ceased believing in this (if there is other life, God won't let them hurt me. :)

5. I don't know how to swim. Sure, I can move around feebly, but if I get thrown overboard, I'm going down. I can't tread water longer than a couple of minutes. The only way I'll be saved is if I don't panic and float on my back, which is the only thing I learned how to do in swimming lessons.

6. I'm not very good at doing hair. My mom actually did my hair every day for school until the 8th grade. I make attempts, and I have gotten better, but I'm never going to be awesome at it. Good thing I'm great at doing ponytails. :)

Okay, now I tag whoever wants to do it. Heidi and Justin, you can think about doing it.

11.09.2007

The Tracie & Austin Story -- Part Two

Awkward Beginnings

I must make mention of the fact that after Austin actually talked to me he did get discussed by me and my best friend, Heidi. Heidi and I were in the same religion class, and though we were in college, we still passed notes. I wrote to Heidi about Austin and how he was usually the type of guy I’d go for, but I wasn’t going to in this case for various reasons. (My breakup with Devon had affected who I wanted to date.) Heidi remarked that I shouldn’t discount the idea that Austin might be something.

Anyway, since I was depressed with my breakup, I tried to make more friends. I did this by trying to make more friends at work. So I decided to throw a work party at my house. I invited everyone, gave them instructions, got cute, and waited….

Right on time Austin showed up carrying two generic bottles of soda. We waited…and waited…and realized nobody else was coming! Awkward! I texted Heidi about Austin being the only person to show up. She didn’t immediately reply. So, when I heard my phone make the text noise I asked Austin to read it out loud since my phone was over by him. To my embarrassment Heidi had written “Do you need me to rescue you?” We both laughed awkwardly.

Heidi showed up and the three of us went downstairs to pick out a movie to watch. Heidi and Austin wanted to watch Star Wars Episode II. I didn’t, but I didn’t want to make a fuss. So, the three of us sat on the couch. I was in the middle, Heidi on my left, and Austin on my right. The irony is I was the only person who stayed awake to watch the movie! Both Heidi and Austin fell asleep!

The Start of a Beautiful Friendship

After that first night Austin and I started becoming better friends at work. iArchives had its own instant messenger service called Command Prompt. Austin and I chatted and joked at work, with the occasional flirting and singing of Simpson songs (“See my vest, see my vest, made from real gorilla chest!”). At that time I was in a Shakespeare class and I needed to watch a Shakespeare movie. I rented Macbeth and invited Austin to watch it with me. It was the stupidest movie either of us had seen. We lampooned it during the whole show. It was awkward when Austin went to leave and he gave me a high five. Then my brother Tyler gave me a lecture on to be careful with Austin because I might hurt him. I told Tyler we were just friends and to butt out.

We started hanging out more and more. I went over to his apartment several times and met his roommates (the most important being his best friend Justin). We watched movies together, made jokes, I played my guitar for him, and we talked about our heartbreaks. I wasn’t over Devon, and he wasn’t over his past. He had been obsessed with this girl Janna from years ago who had broken his heart. We were becoming very good friends and were surprised at the feeling that we had known each other for years. (We actually started writing—but never finished—a song about this very thing. Lyrics: Ain’t it funny, ain’t it strange/how suddenly life can change, giving a brand new start./Could be good, could be bad, you might lose what you had, you might break your heart./It’s awfully strange how often you change, when what you want ain’t what you need/somehow I know, wherever I go, you will be waiting for me.) We made very good friends. But things got awkward when Austin started developing feelings for me (against his will he later told me). One night Austin came over to watch The Emperor’s New Groove with me and I deliberately sat on the other side of the couch from him because I was worried about leading him on. Plus, I had very confused feelings.

First Date

Austin asked me out on our first date over Command Prompt at work. Things were beginning to get a little awkward because it was obvious Austin had a crush on me and while I really enjoyed his friendship, I wasn’t ready to develop feelings for someone new (it had only been a month since my breakup). I reluctantly accepted his offer that we would go “as friends.” We went up to Salt Lake with his second cousin (also named Justin) and his date. We went to see BYU-Idaho’s orchestra play at the tabernacle where I spent the entire time thinking about Devon, especially since I knew he was going to be going to BYU-I. Austin and I couldn’t really talk anyway because of the performance. I cheered up later as we went to Olive Garden for dinner, and Austin made me laugh a few times. (For the record: I hate Olive Garden. It’s overrated and overpriced. I can’t believe people wait an hour or more to eat there!)

Post Date

The date wasn’t the best in the world, but we remained friends and continued to make each other laugh at work. One time we were over his apartment and one of his annoying foreign roommates was there with one of his foreign friends. They wouldn’t leave or go somewhere else. Plus they were speaking in a different language. So Austin and I wrote notes back and forth to each other translating what they were saying to each other and making fun of them. They didn’t get the code that if a guy brings a girl over, you go to your room or leave the apartment, and you DON’T just stay there unless you’re invited to stay.

Anyway, there we were. Two friends. We texted ALL THE TIME, talked on the phone, and spent a lot of time together. Austin would give me these hour-long back massages that were awesome. (Though he still gives me massages, they’ve never been like they used to be. It’s probably because he has me now so he doesn’t have to work as hard. Love you honey!) We really opened up to each other and became even better friends. We watched Finding Nemo together before I was going to California for Thanksgiving. I was depressed about going because Devon was supposed to go with us, but of course we broke up a month before. But I had fun anyway for the most part, besides the depression. I texted Austin while I was gone.

11.07.2007

The Tracie & Austin Story -- Part One

Here is the long-awaited entry.

I thought it might be good if I put down Austin and I’s story of how the two of us became a “we.” This is not a short story, so you have been warned. This will be told entirely from my perspective. If Austin wants to tell his side of the story he’ll have to write it himself. I will be completely honest, holding nothing back (except those details I choose to.)

B.A. (Before Austin)

It is necessary to begin my story not with Austin himself, but a little bit before. Before I even knew there was an Austin Beckstrom in the world, I was in a relationship with Devon. Devon was the first guy I had dated since the disastrous conclusion of my relationship with Jonathan. (Man, I lucked out on that one. The greatest heartbreak of my life turned out to be the greatest blessing.) After Jonathan dumped me, I became utterly depressed for about a year. A little bit before Devon came into my life I had no job and no life. I wasn’t dating; I was barely existing. My life consisted of waking up, playing on the computer all day, and going to bed. I didn’t do my hair, I wore no makeup, and I lounged around in a McNeil shirt all day.


It was in this frame of mind that I met Devon. Devon was one of Jessica’s best friends. Trent started inviting me to hang out with them; He must have noticed how depressed I was. My mom kept remarking that I should date Devon, but I resisted for various reasons. Anyway, since this is about Austin and me, to make a long story short, Devon and I started dating. We really enjoyed dating each other, and I was happy for the first time in a long time. I was afraid to fall in love with him (after what happened with Jonathan), but I did. Alas, things weren’t meant to be, and Devon broke up with me. At the time it was really, really hard for me, but I agree he made the right decision. I had felt several times myself that we should break up, but I didn’t have the strength. Though I knew it was the right decision, I was shattered. I never wanted to fall in love again. I closed off my heart. And that’s when I met Austin.

First Impressions

It was summer when I began dating Devon and during my time with him I had started work at a small company in Lindon named iArchives. I started on the afternoon shift, but I changed to the evening shift when school started once again in the fall. It was October 2004 that I was dumped for the third (and last) time. It was at this time that Austin entered my life. Austin had just started working at iArchives on the afternoon shift the same time I had switched to the evening shift. There was only I and a few other girls on the evening shift, until the intruder came….

My first impression of Austin was not good. I came to work one night to find some guy sitting in MY spot and using MY computer. He was wearing large headphones. Since I’m not one to make a scene, I took another spot and silently hated the unwanted trespasser. It was bad enough that he took my spot everyday—he wasn’t even “officially” on the evening shift!—but what made it worse was the fact that he ignored us. While the girls and I chatted, the lurker would not say a word. One day, however, that all changed. a.beckstrom (his user name at work) had taken off his headphones and listened as I happily announced that I had not thought about my ex-boyfriend all day. Later, I began a conversation on art with a fellow worker. To my surprise, the stranger joined in the conversation! Austin and I talked the rest of the night about various intellectual subjects. I discovered that he was intelligent, liked to read, and was into the arts, all good things. One red flag did go up when Austin mentioned that he tended to become whatever it was that people wanted. This was a turn-off to me because it meant he was insecure and afraid to be himself. From my past I have learned how deceiving it can be when people are not themselves. I much prefer people to be true to themselves so I know that the person I like is genuine. Fakeness is truly a quality I despise. (Good thing I later taught Austin to “his own self be true.”)