Happy Father's Day!

Today is a very special Father's Day. Today my husband celebrates Father's Day for the first time as an actual father. It's only been three days and already Austin is such an amazing father.

Morgan loves being held by his daddy and sucking on his finger. I am just so impressed with how Austin loves his son. I married a wonderful man, and he's going to be such a wonderful father.

I'd like to make a shoutout to my own father. Fahja has been such a great dad to me. I'll always be my daddy's little girl no matter how old I get. He's been supportive over the years and always ready with a hug. I know I can always count on my dad. He's never let me down, and I know he never will. I didn't get to see him this year on Father's Day as I was at home with my brand new baby. So since I didn't get to say it before, I'll say it now: Happy Fahja's Day!

Saying Goodbye to One Experience

Well, I did it. I made it through my first pregnancy. I still feel like I'm dreaming a bit. All the waiting is finally over. I'm a mommy.

I'm SO glad to not be pregnant anymore, but a bit sad too surprisingly.

Things I will miss about being pregnant:

1. Feeling my baby move around inside of me - from the first little flips, to the kicks, to the rolling from side to side
2. Feeling more feminine and more of a woman than I've ever felt before
3. Playing the pregnant card (of course now I can play the "I just had a baby" card.)
4. Not trying to lose weight or worrying too much about weight in general
5. Relating to all the other pregnant women out there
6. Having people ask me how I'm feeling

Things I will NOT miss about being pregnant:

1. Morning sickness, nausea, vomiting
2. Not being able to eat certain foods
3. Charlie horses, leg cramps, back cramps
4. headaches, bloating, heartburn
5. Going pee every hour or more
6. Not being able to get out of bed or bend over
7. Getting exhausted from standing
8. Wearing the same six shirts
9. Swollen feet, ankles, and nose
10. Answering the same questions over and over (When are you due? What are you having?)
11. Dealing with pushy salespeople at Motherhood Maternity

I've already felt a few gas bubbles that felt like a baby and then I had to tell myself that it wasn't my baby anymore. My belly feels so empty. But holding my baby in my arms is much, much better.



Thanks everyone for your kind comments. You'll be happy to know that I'm feeling MUCH better today. The combination of a good night's sleep, seeing my mom, getting the house cleaned (thanks Mom), seeing my doula, and receiving calls and comments of encouragement has made all the difference.

From everyone I've talked to, it's pretty normal to be wavering between two extremes at this point. (My extremes being "totally ready" and "freaking out.")

So D-day is today. And I'm not surprised that Morgan's not here yet. I really didn't think he was coming early. I'm thinking he may make his appearance sometime later this week. If not, I'm willing to bet he won't be any later than the end of next week. We'll see if "mother's intuition" pays off this time.

I'm enjoying my leave from work. I'm still home most of the time, but it's nice to not feel like there's something I'm "supposed" to be doing. No deadlines, no meetings. It's relaxing. We're pretty much done with everything. I just need to pack my hospital bag and finish up a few things. Other than that, it's just a waiting game at this point. I'm just trying to relax. I have a few projects I'm working on to keep me busy. I plan to get caught up on blogging. I'm playing my guitar. I'm practicing my pain-coping/relaxation techniques. I finally dropped my wedding pictures off to be developed. (Yep, three years after the fact.) I'll be putting them in an album later this week. If anyone else is bored during the day, you're welcome to come join me.

As an update to my search for Crocs, I still haven't found a pair. I've now added three more stores to my list. (Yes, Heather, I went to Sports Authority. Nada.) There were some at Parks, but none in my size. (They were either 4-5 or 12-13.) They were getting rid of the last of their Crocs and had no plans on getting more. I should have bought a pair two years ago I guess. They are still available online, but they're more money then I'm willing to spend. Plus, I hate not being able to try on shoes before I buy. Oh well. I guess I'll just try to survive until my feet stop swelling and then I'll buy all new cute shoes. (I really need new shoes, but I don't want to buy any right now because I have no idea what size my feet will be postpartum.)

I'll keep everyone posted. Since I've got the time, I'll probably be blogging more frequently. So check back often.

UPDATE: After looking everywhere, I managed to find a pair of Crocs. Of course, I wasn't looking for them at the time. Austin and I were getting produce at Sunflower Market. And lo and behold, Crocs...in my size. So this adventure is now over since I bought a lime green pair.


The Final Countdown

With one day to go till my estimated due date, I'm currently a nervous wreck. The last several days my mood and feelings have been all over the place. One minute I feel confident and prepared. The next I feel totally intimidated and scared out of my mind. Yesterday was good. I felt ready to go. Last night I couldn't sleep and now I'm tired and feeling totally overwhelmed.

I hate this not knowing when. The whole "this could happen any second" IS not good for my relaxation. I'm so worried that I'm going to go into labor tired and unprepared. And with my whole goal to have a natural birth, I'm worried that if I'm not in optimum condition, my goal will go down the toilet. And that will depress me.

I've spent MONTHS preparing for this upcoming day. And it's all one big question mark. Can I really do this? Really? Part of me is SO ready to have this all over but the other part is petrified about the unknown, even with my months of preparation. I don't know if I'm ready to have a baby yet. I really want Morgan to get here, but I'm really overwhelmed. Will I be able to handle a newborn? Am I ready for my life to change FOREVER? Am I going to totally fall apart?

I want my baby, but I don't know if I'm ready yet. At least not this second. Yesterday I felt totally ready. But now I'm so tired and drained and fatigued. My hips hurt. My back hurts. I feel like I could burst into tears any second. (And so I do.) I don't know if I want to do this anymore. Lol.

I HATE how everyone keeps telling me to rest right now because I'll never get sleep again. It's really discouraging. "Enjoy life now because the rest of your life will suck." It's not a very positive or encouraging message. Please tell me the joys of having a newborn, not the sucky parts. Because I don't know if I can do this with everyone telling me how hard it's going to be. I already realize it's probably going to be really hard. It doesn't make me look forward to it. I need to hear that I can do this, that it is doable. That I won't be totally miserable. Otherwise I don't know if I can or want to do this. Stupid pregnancy hormones. I hate this back and forthness that I'm feeling. I feel like I'm going crazy. Please tell me I'm not the only one to feel like this.

Anyway, other than that, I'm doing okay and holding in there. One minute at a time.