4.19.2010

To a Friend

The gulf between us grows day by day.
The distance between us loams larger.
I see you on your side and me on mine.
I wonder how things are going over there.
I can only guess. I don't have a direct line anymore, only binoculars.
How I so desperately miss, mourn, and grieve being on the same side.
I know I'll never be able to live on the same side again.
Too much has changed.
There will always be a divide. 
But I want to build a bridge, connect our two halves.
We may live on different sides, different worlds
with different experiences, different terrains
but does that mean we can't have a connecting path?
There just needs to be one strong connection, built from one side to the other.

How I long for that bridge to be built.
But how? Can it be done?
I haven't done a proper job of starting my side.
I don't know what materials to use.
I keep searching for them, picking some up and discarding them.
 I'm "in construction" 
though the bridge shows no signs of being built

I'm scared to build the bridge. 
What if I put everything into this and I fail?
What if you don't want a bridge?
I can only build from my side halfway to yours.
It won't stay up alone.

Every time I think of building
You don't seem to notice or care.
 So I immediately cease construction.
But maybe that's because I don't see things accurately from my side.
Maybe you don't think I'm trying to build.
Maybe you think I'm only creating a false bridge or illusions of a bridge.
My worst fear is that you don't want to bridge the gap between us.

My fears are stalling construction.
I keep second guessing myself.
I'm so scared of what might happen
that nothing gets done.

Some have said I should forget about trying to visit your side.
Let the chasm forever divide us.
"You'll always have the memories of being on the same side."
But that isn't enough for me.
I know I can't make the chasm disappear.
I can't have things exactly the way they were before.
But I can stop the divide from growing.
I can build my bridge.

I'm not an engineer.
I know it won't be easy.
I'll make mistakes, miscalculate
I might have to restart a time or two
Try something different, invent new materials.

But nothing worth having comes easy.
I've decided to build my bridge
and have faith that when I'm done, 
you'll be there to meet in the middle.