I am tired. So very tired. I cannot handle the tedium of life. The inescapableness of it all. Every day. The same thing, the same drudgery, the same trying to keep to get it together. It's just too much. Too MUCH. Cannot handle it. The weight, the pressure. I have snapped. Lost it. Yelling for a cathartic release. Fear. Pressure. Too much. Too much. TOO MUCH! Cannot take it anymore. I cry because I can't do it anymore. Cannot do it. Make it stop! Give my life order. Give my life sustainability. I fail at life. I am a failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. Empty tears. Empty life. Blinking cursor. Broken. I am broken. Empty and broken. Responsible for everything and nothing. The end no periods nothing. gone. broken. help?


Is this from your high school journal or from recently?

If this is recent, I am starting to think the pressure of raising a special needs child at home, and working at home all day, and feeling trapped at home might be getting to you, esp after a long winter indoors.

It does get better when the child is in full day school so you don't feel trapped all the time, and when perhaps you don't have to work full time. Perhaps when Moby is in school full time, you can go back to work in an environment filled with ppl?
Hey, you are not a failure... you are normal and human. we all feel this way sometimes (and some of us more than others).... I think though that we get caught up in the perfect life that some people portray - but they arent being honest, and their lives arent perfect.

Hey, at least you are keeping your blog updated and you are being honest... thats a win.
Lechelle said…
Hang in there Tracie. Ask for help from your family. Ask for help from a therapist, it really really does help and is worth it. Please think about it. You are loved Tracie. Life will be brighter again.
HayLee said…
When life gets too hard to stand, kneel.
soberninja said…
I tell you one thing you haven't failed at...and that's good honest writing!!!

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