The Unadventures of Tracie

So I remembered once that Austin posted a list 3 years ago of his top ten Christmas movies and thought, you know I should do the same. So here are MY favorite Christmas movies in somewhat ascending order: 1.  The Santa Clause - This is my favorite Christmas movie of all time. This movie is just quintessential Christmas to me. Santa, the holiday spirit, presents, kids, elves, snow, humor. It's got it all. I love how the elfs look like children. It could be that this movie came out when I was still young enough to consider myself a kid (1994) or it could be that it's just that good of a show. I love this description for The Santa Clause I found on the Sun Sentine l 's  list of the Top 25 best Christmas movies : "It's every kid's dream: Dad could be Santa Claus. All he has to do is push the other Santa off his roof. That perfect mix of whimsy and mature laughs made this Tim Allen comedy an annual favorite. Who can forget Allen desperately trying to lose...

In high school I wrote the following poem: Achieving Perfection Always too much to do Never enough time Placed in a box by well-meaning family and friends-- trying to help, only making it worse-- Walls closing in Suffocating Trapped This still encapsulates how I feel today. There are many themes in this short poem that apply to me and my life. But the part I want to focus on is "placed in a box by well-meaning family and friends." I think there is something about human nature that wants everything to be neatly labeled. Things are black and white. You are a Blue. This is evil. This is good. I am right. You are wrong. In a blog comment on one of the blogs I read, a commenter said on the topic of discussion (which is irrelevant to this post): "We all love simple answers. We all want guarantees. But maybe there are none." And I agree. Life is not black and white but rather multitudes and meritudes of shades of gray. And within these shades of gray are darker tones...

Well, I would've caught up on blog entries this weekend if Morgan didn't decide it was a great time for him to get sick for the first time. Poor kid. He didn't understand why his tummy hurt and throwing up scared him. It was quite the adventure involving many towels. We're a bit worried about him because it's day 3 and he still hasn't eaten more than a couple of bits of anything. Yesterday he wouldn't eat or drink. Today fortunately he has drank some juice and Pedialyte. Still won't eat anything though. I've tried giving him lots of bland foods and stuff. Won't eat. I really hope he starts eating soon. Though I'm less worried as long as he keeps drinking. So of course I caught the bug from Morgan. I really, really hate vomiting. Of course I don't know anyone who likes it. But I have like an aversion to it, which is bad because it's really hard for me to do it even when I really need to. So now I'm on my second sick day from wo...

Hi peeps! (otherwise known as the handful of friends and family that read this) I know, I know. I've already failed at my goal. But don't worry. I'm going to try to make up for it this weekend by posting lots of totally cool stuff that you'll just love for all sorts of reasons. As a warning, this post won't be that cool. I need to just write and let myself ramble on about stuff because that's how I roll yo. I had a sleep relapse last night. Bad Tracie. But the good news is I went almost two weeks at going to bed at a more decent hour (which many of you would consider "late"). And the other good news is I regretted it so much because it became extra clear to me how sucky it is to be so tired. So no more! I WILL get better at this. Dude, there's nothing I can't do when I set my mind to it. Because, yeah, I'm that awesome. I've been thinking a lot lately about a lot of things. About my life, my passions, my desires, my ambitions, my fe...

I've written before about how I have a problem getting enough sleep. This was partially due to baby, PPD, and OCD/addictive habits. I'm happy to report that the last week I got about 7-8 hours of sleep every day. I'm still staying up later than I should, but I'm making a lot of progress. I'm hoping that I can continue to break the self-destructive habit/addiction cycle that I've been living in the last 2 years.  For those that didn't know, I couldn't make myself go to bed at a reasonably hour, even when I wanted. I would read, watch TV, or stay on the computer for hours and hours and hours. Sometimes even until dawn. Even when I wanted to go to bed, I couldn't make myself do it. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I don't feel in control of my life. I'm very busy taking care of a toddler and working all day every day. My husband is at school or work all day and part of the night. So by the time I get time to myself I have to w...

Dear jerks who smashed our pumpkins, Halloween may be over but that still doesn't give you the right to destroy my pumpkins. I was still planning on carving it; a tradition I look forward to every year. Thanks to you, I'll have to wait until next year. At least you had some sense of decorum and didn't smash Morgan's baby pumpkin. Upstairs neighbors, I suspect it was your kids because only your kids in this building lack common courtesy, something you have proven yourself devoid of. Thus the cigarette butts that keep landing on my balcony and you continue to lie that you "don't smoke." Yes, the cigarette butts just MAGICALLY appeared on the balcony and MYSTERIOUSLY you and your condo smell like smoke. Wishing I had better neighbors, Tracie

Every single time I find a new show that I absolutely LOVE, I find out it was canceled way before it's time. (And yet, pure drivel like Two and a Half Men is still on the air.) This is my tribute to 5 shows that were canceled before their time.   Arrested Development . Also known as #1 reason I hate FOX. This show was brilliant and hilarious. It had a stellar ensemble cast, great writing, and well, it was just awesome in pretty much every way. One of the best comedies ever. If you haven't seen it, RUN--don't walk--to the nearest big box store and buy it.  Seriously. Buy it today. You won't regret it. Let's all hope that the movie gets made. Firefly . #2 reason I hate FOX. (Oh, and Heather, we saw this, and loved it, years ago. :) )This show was made by Joss Whedon people! Who totally rocks. ( Buffy , Angel , Dr. Horrible , Dollhouse , they're all good. And I own, or will own, all of them.) So Firefly is the best sci-fi western nobody watched. Until it was on ...

I have talked before about my experiences with breastfeeding . Things started getting better around 10 months, which made me happy. I looked forward to nursing Morgan for many more months. But alas, it was not to be. I'm now in a period of mourning. Around 14 months or so, Morgan started losing interest during some of our remaining 2-3 daily nursing sessions. It was not the same as the nursing strike s that he had had at 3 months, 6 months, and 9 months in which Morgan fussed and refused to nurse consistently for a period of a few days before returning with gusto to nursing regularly, as is what normally happens with a nursing strike. It was different. He just didn't seem as interested. I realized that my milk was decreasing as I had stopped pumping and I had stopped talking my lactation supplements. I think he was getting frustrated with how little milk I had left, which just decreased my supply even more. I tried to continue nursing as I realized that I wasn't ready ...

This is a reply-turned-post. My coworker and friend Amanda R. asked on her blog " Why reproduce ?" She wanted to know people's personal reasons for having kids. I replied and decided to post it on my blog. I ended up commenting more on general reasons than personal reasons for having kids, but here is my reply anyway: Why Reproduce? It's definitely not a decision to be made lightly. It's a HUGE commitment. And spending one-on-time with children, like [another commenter suggested], is a great help. Though really there is no comparison when it's your own offspring. Why reproduce? Because my son is the greatest joy I have ever known. I don't say that lightly either as I haven't fallen in love with motherhood as my other friends did. I'm not the "traditional Mormon woman." I wanted to be a mom but it wasn't the all-out only burning passion or ambition of my life. (There are MANY things I want to do besides being a mother.) [ Discla...

Pretend I posted this yesterday because it was supposed to be. So my family is doing a 9-week "Healthy Habits" challenge. We're participating as teams and there's hopefully going to be some kind of prize at the end for the person and/or team who gets the most points. I'm pretty excited about it. The healthy habits are Exercising for 30 minutes Having "self-control" (sweets, junk food, fried foods, etc.) Drinking 64 oz. of water daily Eating 5 daily servings of fruits and veggies Eating 3 servings of grains (preferably whole grains) Avoiding eating after 8 p.m.  You get points for each "habit" you complete every day. You get one freebie in each category a week. At the end of the 9 weeks, you get bonus points for each 1% of body weight you've lost. What I like about this is it focuses on a positive goal instead of a negative goal. That is, instead of focusing on losing weight, it focuses on being healthy. Which means you could ...

I didn't blog at all in October? Dang. Oh well, that's all to be changing as I'm taking a challenge this month to blog every day. It will be quite a challenge since I rarely blog anymore. I actually have tons of stuff I want to write about but haven't been because a.  I'm not sure it's appropriate for this blog (i.e., I really want to write lots of stuff about birth, pregnancy, feminism, breastfeeding, religion, etc. In other words, the causes I'm really passionate about. Seriously, just talk to me for 5 minutes and see if one of these topics doesn't come up.) b.  I don't really have a lot of time c.  I'm lazy d.  I worry about what people will think about what I have to say. I don't worry about what they'll think of ME per se. I just worry that expressing my opinion on the things that matter to me will somehow offend them. And I hate people thinking that I think things about them that aren't true. So what have I been up to? I...

Saturday our little family of three went to the zoo. It was a disaster. The purpose of going to the zoo was for a work gathering. In the 3 years I've worked at my job, we have never met outside of work. So I was excited to introduce my husband and son to my colleagues and coworkers. Though we were free to visit the zoo on our own time, the department was going to meet up between 2 and 3 "at the pavilion." We had planned to get there around noon, explore the zoo for a few hours, meet up with people from work, and then go visit the Wests because it was Issac's birthday party. That is not what happened. We instead left at around 1. According to good ol' MapQuest, it would take us about 51 minutes to get there. So I figured we would meet up with people from work first, explore the zoo for a few hours, and then head over to the Wests. What I hadn't counted on is that MapQuest is a dirty, dirty liar. We drove around forever looking for our right turn on ...

(Also known as the longest post you'll ever read in your life. Ye have been warned. Thanks to Amanda who finally pushed me off my butt to write about this.) I have always wanted to be a mom, maybe not necessarily the "staying-at-home" part that some feel is a woman's calling, and some feel that's where they want and should be, but the part where I got to experience the blessing of creating and raising a little person who looked like me. Growing up, I loved kids. They were cute and fun and precious. I loved their innocence and their tenderness. Their curiosity and their trust. Children have always occupied a special place in my heart. I knew that I was destined to spend my life working with children. And so I looked forward to the day, which I knew would someday come, when I would have children of my own. I knew I would love being a mom because how could I not? Everyone around me loved being a mom. They told stories about the blessing and benefits of being a mom. ...

I've been posting a lot of "serious stuff" lately so thought I'd post some lighter stuff before I delve back into deeper matters. First of all, Austin and I bought new couches! I got a bonus from work and we decided to use the money to get new furniture. So hello new couch and loveseat. Love, love, love them. I'd post pics but unfortunately my camera is broken. Does anyone know where I can get a Canon camera fixed? I haven't been able to take any pictures since Morgan's birthday, which means I'm missing many potential photo opportunities. See here and here for online stock pictures of the couches. They look better in person. Anyway, the couches are awesome. We looked all over the place, sitting in just about every couch in Utah County. Finally we found a sofa set (sofa + loveseat) at a place called I.M. Home in Provo. The couches are chocolate brown (so dark they're almost black but not) and I think faux leather but parts of them feel real. T...

*I wanted to post this when Morgan turned one to mark the reach of my goal but I didn't finish it until now. I have always wanted to breastfeed. I knew that when I had a child it would be something that I would do. Having an unmedicated (aka "natural") childbirth was also something I knew I wanted, for so many reasons. (Post to come on this later.) And I succeeded. Unfortunately, I spent so much time preparing for birth that I forgot to learn about breastfeeding. Ideally you wouldn't need to learn about breastfeeding. You would know how because you've seen others do it. You would've heard other people talk about it. About the challenges and the solutions. And though I've known some women who breastfed, I realized I hadn't really seen how it was done or talked about it with them. I went into it completely naive, which is so against my usual nature of study, search, and prepare. I think I figured it would be easier than I thought. I also did not know...

I interrupt this message (and everything else I need to do right now, including finishing other very long, important posts and a book-long reply to an email) to post this . This is a link to a short story on Glass of Random , written by ME. This is the first piece of fiction I have written in 7 years. It's not polished or anything, but it's done for now. I wrote it in one night (not that impressive considering it's two pages long). This is a HUGE DEAL to me. Why? Because I have always loved to write, as soon as I could put pen to paper and form words. I spent much of my childhood writing silly stories, plays, and poems, loving every minute of it. But I have been afraid to write for years, ever since after having a disastrous creative writing class at BYU. Since then I have been so afraid of failure that I haven't even tried to write for a long time, too long. So this was scary and wonderful and frightening and exhilarating for me to do. I didn't realize h...

I went to all of church on Sunday. I had many mixed feelings about being there. Overall though, I think I want to continue to go again more regularly. Though there were some things said that bothered me, I did get one nugget out of the whole thing. In Sunday School, the teacher mentioned one thing that I thought was a good and helpful analogy. I'll paraphrase because I don't remember exactly what was said: Going through life you should treat God as your steering wheel and not your spare tire. They're both pretty important things to have on the journey of life. But one is a constant. Yes, you need that spare tire and it's so helpful to have. And you'd be pretty stuck without it during an emergency. But you only remember it when you need it. And once the emergency has been "fixed," the spare tire isn't relevant anymore. On the other hand, the steering wheel is something you constantly use to get where you need to go. This is all pretty obvious st...

Dear 21-year-old Tracie, In 5 years, so many things will be different that you'll hardly recognize yourself. How could 5 short years change you so much you ask? Well, just wait and see. You may think you're an adult now. But you're not. You so still have so much to learn. 5 years from now you'll definitely KNOW you're an adult. And guess what? Though you currently feel old to high schoolers, in 5 years you'll feel old even to most people in college. But don't worry. You may be an adult but you're still the same silly, playful Tracie you've always been. No matter how old or responsible you get, you still find the fun in life. Speaking of fun, you know that guy you're dating right now? The one you told you could never marry? The one you weren't supposed to get serious with so you could go on a mission? The one you weren't sure you could ever love like that? Yeah, you marry him. In about a year. In a summer wedding. In June. Something...