The Unadventures of Tracie

This is a reply-turned-post. My coworker and friend Amanda R. asked on her blog " Why reproduce ?" She wanted to know people's personal reasons for having kids. I replied and decided to post it on my blog. I ended up commenting more on general reasons than personal reasons for having kids, but here is my reply anyway: Why Reproduce? It's definitely not a decision to be made lightly. It's a HUGE commitment. And spending one-on-time with children, like [another commenter suggested], is a great help. Though really there is no comparison when it's your own offspring. Why reproduce? Because my son is the greatest joy I have ever known. I don't say that lightly either as I haven't fallen in love with motherhood as my other friends did. I'm not the "traditional Mormon woman." I wanted to be a mom but it wasn't the all-out only burning passion or ambition of my life. (There are MANY things I want to do besides being a mother.) [ Discla...

I was still in school when Austin and I were dating. The semester we got engaged I was taking Marriage Preparation at BYU. (Highly recommend. Probably one of the best classes I've taken in my life ever.) As one of the assignments in that class, I was to write a letter to my fiance explaining why I wanted to marry him. In honor of our four-year wedding anniversary, coming up later this month, I'm posting my letter to him, written four months before we got married: Dear Austin,      I know that there could have been someone else for the both of us. We could have (and I guess we still could if we really wanted to) changed our minds and found someone else. But we didn’t. After fourteen months and against sometimes insurmountable odds, we are still together and going strong. I know that before we started dating I told you that I could never marry you. I was wrong. I was wrong for so many reasons. To further clarify, I would like to tell you all the many reasons why I’...

I hate the universe sometimes....It so often screws with me. Once again Austin and I are having to say goodbye to friends. Over the last several years we've had many friends move away. Every time it's been hard. Every time tears were shed. Every time I hoped the friendship wouldn't die. This time I really hope we can keep the flame of friendship burning bright. If you would have told me a year and a half ago, I would be sad that Jake and Wendy were moving away, I wouldn't have believed you. We met at book club. It was clear right away that these were interesting people. But there was also some clashing. (Largely due to me hating Kafka. Sorry I'm still not a fan. ;) ) I actually don't remember how or when it happened, but somewhere along the way, instead of seeing differences, I started seeing similarities. We became friends. And now they're some of my favorite people in the whole world. And they're moving. I'm happy they'll get to be wit...

The gulf between us grows day by day. The distance between us loams larger. I see you on your side and me on mine. I wonder how things are going over there. I can only guess. I don't have a direct line anymore, only binoculars. How I so desperately miss, mourn, and grieve being on the same side. I know I'll never be able to live on the same side again. Too much has changed. There will always be a divide.  But I want to build a bridge, connect our two halves. We may live on different sides, different worlds with different experiences, different terrains but does that mean we can't have a connecting path? There just needs to be one strong connection, built from one side to the other. How I long for that bridge to be built. But how? Can it be done? I haven't done a proper job of starting my side. I don't know what materials to use. I keep searching for them, picking some up and discarding them.  I'm "in construction"  though the bridge shows no signs of ...

His kissable cheeks (I kiss them hundreds of times a day.) His laugh His cuddly nature When he sucks on my big toe (It makes me laugh.) The way he claps his hands His bedhead hair The way he "talks" with me The way he breathes fast and wheezes slightly when he's excited His smiles: his "Cabbage Patch" smile, his "I love Mom" smile, his "Yay boobies" smile, his "I love food" smile (when I give him something he likes), his "I'm so cute" smile The way he gets all excited when it's time to nurse The way he jumps up and down when he's happy (and holding on to something or in his jumper) The way he quietly whines when he's tired (It sounds like this: ehhh...ehhhh....ehhh) His feet (I love kissing them and biting his toes...maybe that's why he bites mine) The way he overlaps his leg over me when I'm nursing  The way he plays with his toys Also, I'm doing a poll whether or not to cut Mor...

The last three days Austin and I tried our hand at parenting as we watched our nephews Tyson, Preston, and Mason while their parents were away on a cruise. I thought I would sum up my experiences in list format: Number of times I was woken up in the middle of the night by a screaming child: 2 Number of times I changed soiled bed sheets: 1 Number of times I changed soiled clothing: 3 Number of times I drew bubble baths: 3 Number of sandwiches made: 8 Number of times I helped kids with homework: 5 Number of times I was asked for permission to play the computer or my Nintendo DS: 87 Number of times I said the phrase “be nice”: 212 Number of times I was walked in on while going to the bathroom or showering: 5 Number of times I walked/ran to the school: 6 Number of hours of sleep on average per night: 5 Number of times I was woken up before my alarm went off: every day Number in minutes of time spent with Austin in the 3-day period: 20 Number in minutes of time to myself in th...

I have finally reached my 50th post. After much deliberation on what I should write on for this momentous occasion I decided that I would use this post to gush about my husband, Austin. I want everyone to know that I am the luckiest girl in the world. “Why?” you ask. The answer: I am married to my best friend. Before I met Austin I used to think and ponder (and occasionally pray) about the kind of man I wanted for my husband. I made lists of husband qualifications in Young Women’s and for various classes along the way. I even wrote a humorous essay one time on what I wanted in a man, “My Ideal Spouse.” All I can say is all these lists and dreaming and pondering did not prepare me for the man I was destined to marry. “Why?” you ask again. Because I never knew that the person I would marry would exceed all the lists I could ever write. I could never have hoped to find a person more practically perfect for me in every way than my dear beloved husband. And to celebrate and shout to...

Today was my last day with the boys. I made pudding paint for them again and we colored and had puppet shows and they rode around on their scooters and I went and got lunch for them at Wendys. I got all emotional as I was leaving, and I was teary-eyed driving home. I didn't anticipate feeling as sad as I did. I'm going to miss them so much. Of course I'll still see them, but it won't be as frequent. I'm so glad Tyler and Cheryl gave me this opportunity. Not only was it a blessing as I needed a job while I was in-between jobs, but it was also so great to spend so much time with my nephews. They don't get my name mixed up anymore. I feel I know them so much better and that they know me so much better now. I hope they enjoyed their time with me as much as I've enjoyed spending time with them. Highlights of the summer with the boys: pushing them on the swings, doing exercises in the mornings, playing "army," having the boys help me carry my ...