The Unadventures of Tracie

Saturday our little family of three went to the zoo. It was a disaster. The purpose of going to the zoo was for a work gathering. In the 3 years I've worked at my job, we have never met outside of work. So I was excited to introduce my husband and son to my colleagues and coworkers. Though we were free to visit the zoo on our own time, the department was going to meet up between 2 and 3 "at the pavilion." We had planned to get there around noon, explore the zoo for a few hours, meet up with people from work, and then go visit the Wests because it was Issac's birthday party. That is not what happened. We instead left at around 1. According to good ol' MapQuest, it would take us about 51 minutes to get there. So I figured we would meet up with people from work first, explore the zoo for a few hours, and then head over to the Wests. What I hadn't counted on is that MapQuest is a dirty, dirty liar. We drove around forever looking for our right turn on ...

Some of you know about my clown phobia. I hate clowns. A lot. They are NOT funny. They are creepy. I have had nightmares about clowns and there's just something about their makeup'ed face that just freaks me out. Anyway, I saw this commercial the other day and I just about died from laughing. Seriously, tears streaming down face. Two hours later still laughing thinking about it. Maybe it won't be as funny to you.I wonder if you can figure out why I find it so funny.

You've for sure seen this, but not like this. (And you haven't seen it (go to the link if you haven't seen it first) you should.) Makes me laugh every dang time.

But I did burn the bread. I have now become my mother's daughter. My whole life growing up my mom has been pretty much incapable of NOT burning garlic bread, grilled cheese sandwiches, etc. We've always, good-naturedly, teased her for this. About a month ago Austin was craving garlic bread. I make excellent garlic bread. Butter, real garlic, spices, and crispy crust. We were both looking forward to the bread. However, due to my pregnant scatterbrainedness, I promptly forgot about the bread. I jumped up when I smelled smoke coming from the oven. To our despair, I had burned the bread almost beyond edibility. But I didn't let this stop me. Wanting to salvage the bread, I scooped out the middle of the pieces and savored what precious little there was to eat. Mom, I will no longer tease you for burning the bread.

So I saw this months and months ago and I planned to do it but I didn’t. So anyway, according to my search on Google, these are things that I supposedly need. (Do a search with your name and needs in quotations.) Tracie needs... .....to be pushed (I usually manage quite well on my own.) .....a date (always) .....to bite some chumps (Now where do I find some chumps?) .....a dress (a pretty one that fits me and isn’t expensive) .....a tumble (I think I’ve taken enough tumbles as it is, thank you.) .....a breakthrough (hmmm....still waiting...) .....to go to chuckle school (Awesome! I would love to go to Chuckle School.) .....to take a vacation (Don’t we all?) .....to lose the bad hair (Bah! I didn’t think it was that bad!) .....needs help, but can she be saved in time? (This is the question) .....a reality check (constantly) .....a chuckle right now (always) .....to pull the stick out of her gluteus maximus and relax (I’m quite relaxed now but sometimes this is true of me) .....to win t...

A few days ago Austin and I were taking a shower when all of the sudden the shower head goes shooting off! A hydrant-like spray of water then hit us with full force. It was pretty funny and shocking. Austin kept trying to fix it but it kept shooting off, causing me to squelch like a junior high girl several times. We kept trying to fix it until the rubber washer washed down the drain after another of its high-force attacks. Austin called our landlord and we got to take baths for a few days while we waited for it to get fixed. It was kinda fun (and annoying) taking a bath. It made me feel like I was living in the good ole days again when there were no massage showerheads and when the longer you're in the tub, the dirtier you got. Fortunately, our landlord got back to us and we have a new massage showerhead, which we didn't have before. (It's actually really fortunate that this happened as we've hated our showerhead since we've moved in as it leaked everywhere, causin...

This is one of the funniest things I've seen in a long time. If you are particularly sensitive or easily offended, don't click on the link. For the rest of us (particularly women), check this out for something that made me laugh: P-Mate Oh, by the way, I found out this is a real product. Maybe I'll get one....