Untitled

I am tired. So very tired. I cannot handle the tedium of life. The inescapableness of it all. Every day. The same thing, the same drudgery, the same trying to keep to get it together. It's just too much. Too MUCH. Cannot handle it. The weight, the pressure. I have snapped. Lost it. Yelling for a cathartic release. Fear. Pressure. Too much. Too much. TOO MUCH! Cannot take it anymore. I cry because I can't do it anymore. Cannot do it. Make it stop! Give my life order. Give my life sustainability. I fail at life. I am a failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. A failure. Empty tears. Empty life. Blinking cursor. Broken. I am broken. Empty and broken. Responsible for everything and nothing. The end no periods nothing. gone. broken. help?

Comments

Heather Mae the DIY Gal said…
Is this from your high school journal or from recently?

If this is recent, I am starting to think the pressure of raising a special needs child at home, and working at home all day, and feeling trapped at home might be getting to you, esp after a long winter indoors.

It does get better when the child is in full day school so you don't feel trapped all the time, and when perhaps you don't have to work full time. Perhaps when Moby is in school full time, you can go back to work in an environment filled with ppl?
3/3/13, 9:44 PM
Addie Talley, Photographer said…
Hey, you are not a failure... you are normal and human. we all feel this way sometimes (and some of us more than others).... I think though that we get caught up in the perfect life that some people portray - but they arent being honest, and their lives arent perfect.

Hey, at least you are keeping your blog updated and you are being honest... thats a win.
3/4/13, 9:08 AM
Lechelle said…
Hang in there Tracie. Ask for help from your family. Ask for help from a therapist, it really really does help and is worth it. Please think about it. You are loved Tracie. Life will be brighter again.
3/6/13, 10:23 AM
HayLee said…
When life gets too hard to stand, kneel.
3/7/13, 1:16 PM
soberninja said…
I tell you one thing you haven't failed at...and that's good honest writing!!!
3/23/13, 4:17 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Apple Taste Test 2013

Image
Several years ago Austin and I bought several kinds of gummy bears in an attempt to discover which gummy bears were the best. We rated them in different categories, and it was a lot of fun. I’ve been wanting to do something like that again. And then this weekend, the perfect opportunity presented itself. We were at Sprouts shopping, and they had a wide assortment of apples on sale for $0.88/lb. This was too good to pass up. So I went crazy and bought 14 varieties of apples. Most we only bought 1 or 2 apples, but some we bought more. (We bought 10 Ambrosia apples because they’re awesome and they’re not widely available.) I wanted this to be the ultimate apple taste test. So, today we cut up and prepared the apples. We put them on paper plates and divided them up and labeled them. In retrospect, I wish we had taken pictures of the whole process. (Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.) We then decided on categories; we rated the apples on Overall Taste, Juiciness, Sweetness, Tartness, and Har...
Read more

Anxiety

I meant to post an update after Sunday's very depressing post. I'm actually doing okay. I wasn't at that moment, obvs. I was in the midst of an anxiety attack that day. Anxiety attacks suck. I have a lot on my plate right now, which leads to stress. Stress plus my genetically-prone-to anxiety-self = breakdown and anxiety attacks. I don't want people to think that I'm feeling like that all the time. I'm not. In general, I'm doing very well. I am happy and content a lot of the time. I have an awesome husband and wonderfully supportive friends. I just happen to be dealing with a lot of stress right now. Stress that will hopefully decrease come April when Austin finally, finally graduates. I just snapped on Sunday because I became overwhelmed with everything. My house was extremely messy, and I just couldn't take it anymore. I screamed at Austin. I threw things. I hide in my room like an ashamed child. I cried, I vented by writing the depressive post, and ...
Read more