On Being a Mom

So I've been a mom for two whole months now. Eight weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy...and my entire life changed forever.

I can definitely say it hasn't been easy. It's the most challenging thing I've ever done. Sometimes it's so difficult I wonder if it was a such a good idea.

Do I love being a mom? Not entirely. Not yet. But I think I eventually will. Once I start sleeping on a more regular basis and I adjust to changing every single thing I do. You know the things you take for granted before you have a kid? You know, like the little things. Taking a shower, going to the bathroom, eating, sleeping, basically the every day tasks that you don't even think about before. They are all about a million times more difficult with an infant. And those are just your basic living tasks. That doesn't take into account cleaning, cooking, grocery shopping, working, exercising, getting dressed and ready, or having a social life. (Not to mention having just moved.) I count a day a success if I manage to eat a few meals, take a nap, and maybe take a shower. For most of my readers here, I'm preaching to the much more experienced choir.

But it's still all new to me. It's starting to get easier but I'm definitely not completely used to it yet. Though it is amazing how much you start to adapt. And some things definitely are instinctual. I know what to do to calm my baby down most of the time. I'm starting to learn what his cries mean and about his temperament. He's starting to follow a very loose routine, which is starting to make my life easier.

If I had known it was going to be this hard, would I do it again? Yes, I would. I mean, honestly there are times that I break down and just cry and tell myself I can't do this anymore, but other times I enjoy that I'm the best at taking care of my son.

Being a mom is certainly life changing. I'm having to learn to be less selfish for sure. My whole life now is taking care of my baby. I can't do whatever I want anymore. I can't just pick up and go. I can't read or do other things whenever I want. I think the tricky part of being a mom is learning how to take care of your child and yet still make time for yourself so you don't go stark raving mad. I've never had to really live by a schedule before, but I think I'm going to have to now if I'm going to survive.

The other challenging part is my changing relationship with Austin. I see him every day still, but I miss him. Right now we play tag-team to survive. We don't have all the time in the world to just spend together anymore. The other night I went to bed and realized I hadn't really talked to my husband all day. Each kiss and every moment alone is special now (and these are few and far between nowdays). Though I mourn our old relationship, being parents together is a new delight. Being together and taking care of our son has strengthened my love for my husband. Together we enjoy playing with and marveling over our beautiful baby. We still can't believe sometimes that we made him and that he's ours. Though we mourn our life prebaby sometimes, I imagine we'll eventually get to the point where we can't imagine life without our little bean.

I may not always enjoy the tedium and challenge of being a mom, but one thing is definitely certain. I love my son. I love every inch of his beautiful self. When he smiles at me or looks at me like he looks at no one else, I am filled with utter joy that he is mine and I thank God for giving him to me.

Comments

BrItTnEeaNN said…
I enjoyed your post, thanks for sharing. I like knowing the honest truth before I go into big life changes :)
Austin said…
You're an amazing mom and I love you so much for what you do and what you've done for our little Moby.
HayLee said…
tear. I love Morgy too, and I can't wait to have a sweet spirit of my own. What a precious life altering gift. I hear they grow too fast, so just hang on. I think you are an amazing mom, but just like everybody else, change takes time. Tell Morgy to tell my sweet angel in heaven I'm ready.
Heidi Ferguson said…
To be honest I would love to say it gets easier, but after the day I just had...

Actually it does get easier in a lot of respects, and funner. But man, in many ways it gets harder as your little boy learns to be more independent but also getting into stuff more and exerting his lungs when I DARE change his diaper or put him down for a nap or even leave the room for TWO seconds (it's been a tough week.) So maybe I wasn't the best person to comment on this right now.
lynette said…
I'm glad you didn't sugarcoat it like most moms do--esp. on their blogs! I remember there was one night where Carly was up from about 1am to 4:30am and I was exhausted. I couldn't wake up Ammon since he had an early class and I started bawling! My weeping and wailing eventually woke up Ammon and I said, "We made a HUGE mistake! I can't do this!" Of course he took Carly and let me go get some much needed sleep.

It doesn't get easier right away, but as soon as Morgan starts sleeping through the night I promise you, you'll feel 100 times better. The sheer exhaustion in the beginning is really the hardest transition but it gets much easier with each additional baby because you already know what to expect. You know it will pass--in time.

Hope you start getting a little more sleep soon and start feeling like your old self again! Trust me--it will happen.
Heather said…
Thanks for sharing. I do really understand all this...especially with colicky Cade who cried for months and screamed all night..it was a 9 month nightmare!

Routine-ESSENTIAL

Sleep-it will come soon

adaptations and changes- helps us grow and be more like our HF, who is a parent Himself

life altering changes etc- prepares you to develop and grow as a regular family such as more kids, more stuff that they do as kids etc
Kris said…
Tracie, you really were telling like it is for you. It is certainly different for everyone in different ways. Every baby will be different for you. And not everyone will have or be the same in how they approach things. You are doing what is best for Morgan. You and Austin will be the best parents that Morgan will need. Yes, as Lynette said, it will get easier, or maybe it's just you learn how to adapt to the situations. You figure out better ways to handle things. All of us have our own ideas and suggestions, but you will find, if you take a little here and there from what people suggest and apply it to your own way, it works. Keep up the spirt of being a parent. He is very special and I'm so happy that he is here with us.
As to HayLee--I'm ready too, not for being a grandma (which is wonderful), but for my daughter to experience the joy.

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