Nine Month Flu

So now that word is out I wanted to share my experiences thus far. If it's TMI for you, just skim. Austin and I had decided last year that August 2008 was when we'd start trying to get pregnant. I went off the pill end of June and we crossed our fingers. I took a test end of August. Negative. End of September I was getting really anxious as I had a few possible signs that I was pregnant but I've had that in the past and I'm pretty neurotic. I was supposed to wait until October 5th to take the test, but I was getting curious. I had to know. We had an early test left over from the month before so I decided to take it, not expecting anything really as it was really early but I just couldn't wait any longer. So on October 2nd (which was a Thursday) I took the test and lo and behold two pink lines. But one was really faint. So then I was uncertain. Was I or wasn't I? I im'ed Austin over gchat and let him know that I might be pregnant and told him what happened. (In retrospect I wish I would have told him in a grander way.) I spent all day freaking out, but we decided we'd wait a few days to take another test.

On Friday night Austin and I went and bought more tests. Saturday morning I took another test, which also showed two lines, though the second one was again really faint. Then I read online about chemical pregnancies, which is when you have an early miscarriage but the test shows you're still pregnant for a while. So I freaked about that until Austin calmed me down. Sunday I took another test. Still positive. That's when we started talking about telling my family. We wanted to wait until we were further along to tell family (according to my dates I was only 4 1/2 weeks pregnant) but Heather was coming into town on October 5th, which means almost the whole family would be here and that doesn't happen often. So we decided to tell them Monday night because most of the family would be together to go to the corn maze. I called HayLee and Troy (and spouses) to tell them I was pregnant as they wouldn't be at the corn maze. I also told Taylor early as I couldn't keep the knowledge to myself. Keeping a secret this big was incredibly difficult.

Austin and I had a great idea on how to tell the family. We would do a group picture at the corn maze with Austin taking the picture. Austin would say "Say cheese" and then take another one saying "Say Tracie's pregnant!" that way we could get a picture of everyone's reaction. Let me just say how much of a bundle of nerves Austin and I were that night. We wanted to take a picture when we first got there but no one else did. So the family went through the corn maze and then started to play around on the many things there were to do. I thought I'd have a heart attack from trying to appear nonchalant. I didn't want to act excited because then everyone would ask "What are you excited about?" Every time people kept putting off taking the picture Austin and I freaked out a little inside. I just wanted to get it over with! So finally we took the picture. (after everyone asking "Why don't we find someone to take the picture so Austin can be in it?" etc.) When Austin asked everyone to say Tracie's pregnant. Everyone said it and was like, "what?", "Is this a joke?", "are you guys serious?" It's a common joke in my family to joke that you're pregnant. Even my parents still occasionally make this joke. "We've got an announcement. I'm pregnant." So people have a hard time telling when they're serious.

Everyone looked at me and was confused because I wasn't smiling. I was still trying not to smile and seem excited. But when they asked I replied that yes, it was true. Then everyone freaked and shouted and ran to me giving me hugs. Here's the pics Austin took.
Say Cheese!


Say Tracie's Pregnant!
Notice the grin on my dad's face. It's adorable. My mom is running to hug me. Trent and Jess are discussing how exciting it is that Lily will have a cousin close to her age. Everyone else is staring at me. I especially love the looks on Cheryl, Tyler, and Taylor's faces on the right.

Can I tell how relieving it was to finally have the family (at least my side) know? Whew. I'm glad I pulled off the surprise. I almost spilled the beans multiple times.

The next day we told Austin's family. Austin called Ammon and Lynette. For his parents, we decided to call them over Skype. We were chatting casually and then Austin told his mom that I had bought a new shirt and asked if she wanted to see it. Strolling up to the webcam I showed my "new" shirt which actually was a normal T-shirt with a sign that said BABY with an arrow pointing to my tummy. It took his mom a second but then she was super excited and grabbed Austin's dad and brothers. Everyone was excited, which was the reaction we wanted.

We told grandparents a little later and some people found out through the grapevine. We wanted to keep it mostly in the family until I was at least 12 weeks and until I told my work. Since we told work last Tuesday and I'm now 13 weeks, we are now telling everyone. Austin and I are both extremely excited.

For those who want to know what being pregnant has been like for me this far, let's just say it hasn't been all fun and games, as those who have been pregnant can attest. Once the excitement of finding out faded, reality (and morning sickness) hit. I've had morning sickness (really "all day sickness") on and off every day since about 6 weeks. I've had cramps, pains, headaches, and heartburn. I've thrown up a few times. I've gagged and dry heaved. Eating is a chore. Nothing ever sounds good but I know I must eat or the nausea gets much, much worse. I've had food "cravings." But I think this is really a misnomer as it isn't so much a craving as it's the only thing that sounds so good to eat while everything else makes you sick to think about. My sense of smell has been heightened. It's almost like another sense because I've never smelt things so strongly before. I feel fat as my jeans are tight and my shirts show my gut. I don't look pregnant yet but I do look like my belly has put on weight. Can't wait till it rounds a bit more so I look pregnant instead of chubby. My breasts have doubled I swear and I can't fit comfortably in my bra, thus I've been wearing my sports bra for now. Besides the nausea, the fatigue has been the worst. I've never been so tired in my life. However, despite everything, I wouldn't trade any of it. I love my little Squiggle.

Austin and I named the baby Sqiggle as we needed something to call it besides "it." And it looks like a Squiggle anyway. We got to see our baby for the first time a few weeks ago on an ultrasound as the Doppler could not pick up a heartbeat. I have a retroverted uterus (meaning it tilts toward my back instead of toward the pelvis), making the heartbeat harder to pick up. It was so great to see it confirmed onscreen that there is a baby inside of me and it is alive. We could see the flicker of the heartbeat. The midwife told me at first she thought it was twins but then discounted it. Though there was an unidentified mass near Squiggle. It bothered Austin that she couldn't tell us what it was. Oh well. Maybe we'll find out soon. I go in for my second prenatal appointment next week and we hope to finally hear the heartbeat. I constantly worry that my baby is dead or not growing.

That's one thing I've learned about pregnancy. It's just tons of worries. I worry about the health of the baby. Am I eating enough? Am I eating too much? Am I going to cause my baby to have a birth defect? Am I going to miscarry? Then there's all the fears about labor, delivery, and taking care of a baby. Will I be a good mom? Will I figure out how to take care of a baby? Will we have enough room for the baby? Will I be able to work and take care of the baby? Then I worry about work and insurance and FMLA and taking care of Austin and just everything really. It's just incredibly stressful and overwhelming. I'm so excited to have this baby. But I'm also really scared. It doesn't help that the hormones are on the overdrive.

Anyway, I look forward to what the next six months will bring me and Austin. Whatever happens, I know that things will probably work out for the best. I'm just going to take it one day at a time and enjoy the journey along the way. Thank you everyone for all your support!

Comments

Heidi Ferguson said…
That was totally TMI. But you know me. Hope that the next trimester goes better for you. It's the best time in pregnancy because you start to feel the baby move, learn the gender, and aren't so sick. And then the third comes along and you want to just have the baby already. And being a parent means worrying all the time about everything, but just remember that thousands of babies are born every year with zero defects, so at least the odds are in your favor.

Congratulations! We can't wait to meet your beautiful little baby!
Yay!! Congratulations! I had a feeling something like this was coming when you guys bought a maternity policy from Ross, but it is good to hear all official and such. You will be a wonderful mother, as evidenced by your concern for Squiggle's welfare. Bad moms don't stress- good moms never stop! I love the creative ways you chose to spill the beans- how fun! I am so happy for you!
Jen said…
So excited for you! It was great hanging out this past week. Lots of love from here to there.
Heather said…
whew! Now I can finally talk about it openly with other people and share in my excitement that you are going to be a mom soon!

I am so excited for you to be a mom! It seems almost unreal that my baby sister that I waited years for to be born is finally going to have her own child.

Stressing is normal. Everything you discussed on this post is the same as everything I felt when I was pregnant with Seth!

Have fun dry heaving and being pregnant!
Austin said…
I don't think I ever congratulated you:

Congratulations on our baby!
Janae said…
Tracie,

I'm so excited for you and Austin! That is by far the best way I've heard to spill the beans EVER! And the worry never stops...it's normal. (i think! hehe) What I've learned being a mother is that you learn as you go, and God helps you in ways you never thought of/thought were possible. I hope things continue to go well during your pregnancy!
Kris said…
Sorry, I spilled the beans way too soon. But, hey, I'm the grandma, and grandma's get way too excited to keep quiet. We are so very excited in getting another grandchild. Yes, we will love your child just as much as the others. Love multiplies, not divides. Hang in there with the pregnancy, it all part of the journey in preparing you to be a mom. I remember that I focused a lot on getting everything ready for the baby, that I soon found myself not thinking about how sick or rotten I felt. This is the time that you start writing a journal for your child to read about what happened to you and your family during his/her growing time. Kids get a kick out of reading about themselves. I just wish I had been better at it.
Brittnee Ann said…
I would be worried too, doesn't sound like fun! I'm happy for you though.

Remember I heard from a doctor or counselor, psychologist person (someone that knows what they are talking about) that if you worry too much you play an affect on the well being of your baby on the inside.

I like that you call it squiggle. That's fun...lol.
Lechelle said…
Congratulations Tracie! That's great news and I'm excited for you.

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